I watch so many TV shows because they help drown out your constant complaining, though clearly, even that wasn’t enough.
And about your haircut—I did notice. The first thing that came to mind was, “You look like a girl!” Since my mom taught me if I don’t have anything nice to say, I kept quiet.
As for the meal you cooked, I think you mixed me up with my sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
And those silk boxers? I turned away because I saw the $49.99 price tag still hanging on them. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that same morning.
Despite all this, I still loved you and hoped we could make things work. That’s why, when I hit the lottery for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I suppose. I hope you find the life you’ve always wanted. My lawyer assured me that your letter guarantees you won’t see a dime of my money.
Take care,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free
P.S. Not sure if I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. Hope that’s not an issue!
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